Over the years I have considered myself to be a straight forward,

stand-up-and-tell-the-truth kind of guy. That is when I am not using

good, clean humor to make a point or just to have a little fun. As a

result of my personality, I have never been a big fan of “satire,”

which means, “The use of sarcasm, irony, or wit in exposing abuses or

follies; ridicule.”

There is a man on television that makes a great living using satire,

but because I don’t watch him, except on rare occasions, I can’t even

tell you his name. However, satire is often used to make a point,

because it causes us to think, and this is the real reason for my using

it. The reason I don’t like satire is because quite often it hurts

other people, and this is just something I do not enjoy doing.

What I have just shared with you is really a “disclaimer” for something

I want to pass along that a Kentucky friend sent me the other day

titled, “HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029.” Here is another disclaimer. The

odds are good that I won’t be around in 2029, even though it’s not that

far off. Only God knows the future and, unless someone starts a nuclear

war, the odds are good that all or most of my children and

grandchildren will still be here.

“Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh

largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as

California.”

“White minorities still trying to have English recognized as

Mexifornia’s third language.”

“Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and

livestock.”

“Baby conceived naturally! Scientists are stumped.”

“Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.”

“Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10

more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.”

“France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No

other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation.”

“Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported

legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.”

“George Z Bush says he will run for president in 2036.”

“Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces

mail delivery to Wednesdays only.”

“85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight

loss.”

“Average weight of Americans drops to 250 pounds.”

“Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive

year in Mexifornia and Florexico.”

“Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter

speed they can now photograph a women with her mouth shut.”

“Abortion clinics are now available in every high school in United

States.”

“Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR, even though gas is selling for

4532 pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and

Fridays.”

“Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.”

“Supreme Court rules that punishment of criminals violates their civil

rights.”

“Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.”

“New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly

swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by 2030.”

“IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.”

“Florexico voters are still having trouble with voting machines.”

While this piece is “anonymous,” here is the closing tag. Now, send

this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then guess what --

NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except

you might make someone smile.

On a more serious note, here is a headline for today that I would like

to pass along, “Hangman’s Army receives $5,000 gift from the will of a

lady who passed away.” Jim “Hangman” Ballagh has taken a group of

problem, poor, rag-tag kids in the small town of Mystic, Iowa (pop.

600) and instilled pride and good citizenship in them to the point they

are a credit to this community.

This story will warm your heart. This past Christmas, the three

generals in the army earned a $100 Christmas bonus. One is a girl, 13

years of age, one a boy, 15, and his sister who is 16. They were each

instructed to get their $100 bill changed into 10 $10 bills and give

them to little kids who were 5, 6, 7 and 8 years old. They were to tell

the child that it was real money and to wish them a joyous Christmas.

The response the generals received will stay with them forever, as it

will stay with the children who received the money. Jim is teaching

these kids how to work, how to earn and how to share.

To me, this really sums up a successful life, save one thing: when it

comes to Christmas, don’t ever forget, Jesus is the reason for the

season.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Jim Davidson is a public speaker and syndicated

columnist. You may contact him at 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034. To

support literacy, buy his book: “Learning, Earning & Giving Back.”)